How to be Injured
Unless you’ve been blessed with incredible genetic stock and impeccable running form, if you do any running beyond a couple miles here or there, you’re going to get injured. As a runner who ended my college career because of injury have since had several nagging injuries, I thought I’d guest post on how to get injured. I blog over at Twin Cities Runner and have enjoyed reading The Runner’s Plate ever since I found out about it.
A little background: Michelle and I go way back. We were both counselors at Camp Omega in 2002. We also both met our spouses at Camp Omega. I had the fortune of being part of the program staff when her future husband first started at Camp Omega. I recall at least one trip to the ER with Craig who was, if I recall, prone to different kinds of injuries.
Injuries are a part of most runners’ lives. You try to avoid them by increasing your mileage slowly, doing exercises for your core muscles, taking supplements, and cross training. Even with all your carefully constructed strengthening regiments, your impeccable nutrition program, and thorough dynamic (never static) stretching routine, you still get injured.
But maybe you’re different. Maybe you haven’t been injured yet and you feel inadequate as a runner. While all your running friends are talking about their ITBS, PTT, torn hamstrings, and black toenails, you’ve got nothing to contribute.
Don’t worry; there’s lots of ways to get yourself injured. Trust me—it’s easy.
Start out by following the 10% rule—increase your mileage by no more than 10% each week, cutting back mileage every third or fourth week. Pay no attention to the fact that there’s no research to back this approach. Do this indefinitely, preferably until you’re up around 150 miles a week.
If the 10% rule isn’t quick enough for you, try jumping up to your peak mileage from a couple of years ago after a long layoff. Sure you only ran 12 miles last week but you peaked at 60 miles for your last marathon so go ahead and start your next training plan at 55 miles.
Pay no attention to your core muscles other than noticing that they’re there. What are you planning on running with anyway, your legs or your abdominal muscles? Also be sure not to overdo it on fruits and vegetables. If the furnace is hot enough it’ll burn anything.
If something hurts during a run just go ahead and ignore it. Don’t ice it, don’t adjust your training plan, don’t foam roll it, and don’t stretch or strengthen it. If it hurts too much to ignore anymore congratulations! You’re injured. Now you just need a fancy name for your injury. Don’t settle for something generic like “runner’s knee.” Don’t, however, waste your money by going to some fancy doctor, physical therapist, or chiropractor. A simple Google search will do and before you know it you’ll have a torn meniscus or some other equally awesome-sounding injury.
So there you go; if you haven’t got that first red badge of running now you know how it’s done.